lolcats have eaten my brains

me: oh man, i just had a really hard time remembering how to spell was
Whitney: Explain exactly what happened.

me: i was trying to ask my friend if someone she was talking about was from lawrence

and at first i typed whas

and then i was like ...whus?

and then i remembered that there isn't an H

it was really scary
Whitney: Did you default in LOLspeak?!Seriously?

me: yes, i think i did

Whitney: That's fucking amazing.

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so this morning i went to a gas station and paid for a dr. pepper, a water and some gum with what i am pretty positive was a $20 bill. the reason why i am so sure about this is i didn't have any cash yesterday until i cashed out my paycheck at la prima tazza and got three twenties, a ten, a couple of ones and some change. i deposited $50 into my bank account which means i had a twenty and the ones and change left over. i didn't go out at all last night because i was at home packing so i am positive i didn't spend anything.

anyway, the 'bill' came to $4.80 and i gave her the $20. she gives me 20c back and tells me to have a good day. i start to walk off and then turn around and say, 'um, i think i gave you a twenty?'. she starts to get really defensive and says, 'no, i'm positive you gave me a five. i know you did, i put it in the $5 drawer and gave you twenty cents back. you definitely gave me a five.' i just stood there for a few seconds and then walked off, i was already late to work and haven't been sleeping well and didn't feel like arguing.

this brings up three points:
1) how do you prove to someone that you definitely gave them a 20$ when they are sure you gave them a $5?
2) it makes me mad that enough people probably try this move as a scam so that managers have to be totally anal about drawers balancing out. i think courtney used to work at best buy and employees would get written off if their drawers were off more than a few bucks. it's ridiculous to expect someone, especially in a place as busy as a gas station or best buy, to never make a mistake. its more ridiculous that managers have to expect perfection because people steal from them all the time.
3) i am so positive that i gave the girl a $20 but then again, i had a 30 second brain fart in which i forgot to spell 'was' (see above). did i really give her a $5? i really don't think i did but i have read that you can form memories to the way you want them to go...can you do that with super short term memory? i am freaking myself out now but i don't want to have early onset dementia or something like that (RIP ESTELLE GETTY).

anyway, i might be out $15 and i might not. who knows? i'm not as worried about losing the actual money as i am the three aforementioned reasons. i think i need to stop thinking and just sit down before i hurt myself.

i guess i'm gonna fade into bolivian....

so angry about landlord assholes (GAGE MANAGEMENT, FOR THE LOSS!), possible carbon monoxide poisoning, and people who don't care how bad they make others feel....that the only remedy is to list some of my favorite mike tyson quotes:

On Lennox Lewis
"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."

On Evander Holyfield
After biting Holyfield he said, "This is my career. I have children to raise. I have to retaliate. He butted me. Look at me. My kids will be scared of me."

On Razor Ruddock
"You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend."

On Tyrell Biggs
Tyson on Tyrell Biggs' complaining to him about low blows: "Low blows? Low blows? Huh! Motherf**ker you're fittin' to die!"
"He was screaming like my wife."

On His Wife
"Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It's all lies. I have never laid a finger on her."

On His Time in Prison
"When I was in prison, I was wrapped up in all those deep books - that Tolstoy crap. People shouldn't read that stuff. When we read those books, what purpose does it serve in this day and time?"

On Boxing
"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

On the Media
“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”
"I just seem to keep buying more and more Bentleys"
"If I take this camera and put it in your face for 20 years, I don't know what you might be. You might be a homosexual if I put that camera on you since you were 13 years old. I've been on that camera since I was 13 years old."

On Himself
"I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson!"
"I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it's un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked ... "

On His Mental Health
"I don't know if I'm mentally sick, but I have... episodes sometimes. I'm a depressant kind of dude. I have episodes, and I'm human. But no one cares about my health as a human because sometimes I'm in my episodes when I'm at work."
"I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."

On America
"I'm just a dark guy from a den of iniquity. A dark shadowy figure from the bowels of iniquity. I wish I could be Mike who gets an endorsement deal. But you can't make a lie and a truth go together. This country wasn't built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime."

Miscellaneous Quotes
"He called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”
"I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage."
"I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian."
"I like the British bikes. I like British people. They're real mellow."
"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."
"I have some pain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. So every now and then I kick your f**king ass."
"I just want to conquer people and their souls."