this morning i started crying. i told myself that i was crying because i couldn't find anything to wear to work today.

things that are good right now:
a) living situation (and if we had a working television and my cat here i would cry tears of joy every night)
b) my jobs, i am seriously the luckiest girl in lawrence when it comes to my work situation
c) my committment to the task i set for myself last week: apply for one job every day and three on saturdays. good job, me!
d) i have the watchmen on my bedside table, wonder showzen in my dvd player and a working iPod.
e) okay i know that this is living situation-related but holy shit, i have been sleeping on two air mattresses since monday and that and the fact that my room is a cool 72 degrees has allowed me to sleep peacefully every night. it's amazing!!!!!!

for this next week:
- less pasta
- more goodbyes
- less crying for dumb reasons
- more smiling for dumb reasons
- less whining
- more cleaning up my f**king room!
- okay?


oh yeah and i still want to find out what the montauk monster is, jesus christ!

annie, i wish it was winter too. i hate summer, but not as much as i hate new year's. summer is a holiday, right? well, it's my second least favorite. i don't like sweating. i don't like sitting far away from people because it's too hot. i don't like having to move. i don't like having to work while other people play around. and i do NOT like skinny dipping.

no offense to people who enjoy these things.

i do like snow, ice, sweaters, cold puppies, red faces, mittens, boots, coats, a milleventy layers of clothing, christmas, birthdays (mine, my mom, my dad, my grandma, annie, the obornys, who else am i missing?), hot drinks, wearing socks ALL the time and a partridge in a pear tree.

sorry to be bitter about summer. i'm super tired and i HATE cleaning my house and i have soooo many bruises and i don't want to say goodbye to jason and julie and kyle (no offense to jason and gabe but i'll see you in two months). hrrrumph.

i got my first chicago job rejection yesterday. i submitted a resume and a cover letter and then had to take a personality test, which i seemingly failed. the only reason this pissed me off was that i was trying to be honest. i probably could have lied my ass off and gotten the job as i was qualified for it. you can't reapply for six months but i have half a mind to register a new email, apply, lie on the the personality test and then, if i get offered the job, tell them to fuck off. but i won't. pharmaceutical sales is probably not the way for me to go anyway. that's what happens when you start to become desperate for a job (is it too early to be desperate? i have more than two months...hmmmm).

i now live across the river. i feel weird.

i have a bag full of things that are not mine. i feel weird about returning them to certain people.

i have been applying for jobs (four now). my parents say that i shouldn't let my current boss(es) know i'm leaving until i absolutely have a job (okay not absolutely, but not until it looks like i am in the running for a job). i don't like this because a) the move is certain and b) i just feel weird not telling them. it doesn't feel good. my parents say i have to protect myself but i think if my bosses knew i was leaving they would be proud of me and if there was some weird freakish thing (knock on wood) that prevented the move (even temporarily), that they would be okay with me staying.

i miss my cat.

um...nick's house is awesome. my room is huge. the walls are red. i like the artwork.

i don't remember what else. i just feel weird.

april was in town. it was awesome. i think the last time i've had this much to drink this many days in a row was CMJ in 2005 when we were basically force fed sparks. beautiful.

let's see-- she came in town wednesday, we went to free state and i drank there...i didn't go out that night because i had to pack so that was my less-wild night.

thursday was the potluck and it was SO much fun. i always forget how much i love burnt marshmallows. i had ridiculous amounts to drink this night, drank more at the taproom, was in bed by 11:30 but still woke up in the middle of the night needing to projectile vomit. luckily i was able to keep everything down before i passed out again.

friday i let april DJ most of my radio show, napped and then went to the taproom around 11. got so out of control that by 12:30 i fell down the smoking stairs and really hurt my foot. i kept dancing, which was a bad decision because i'm sure that made my foot worse. no matter, i have a sweet bruise now. we left and then went back to the taproom to pick up nick, drove to burrito king, drove to annie's to smoke, passed out around 3ish? i didn't wake up saturday until 1 and even then i didn't want to move.

saturday i slept most of the day, stopped by adam lott's birthday party and then went to grant's house. i checked out everyone's new tattoos, remembered how badly i want one, and hugged kyle over 100000 times. we went to the replay, the jackpot and sylas and maddys. i cried at the jackpot...a lot...60% because i was sad about people moving and 40% because i was out-of-control intoxicated. we danced to mariah carey (the fourth or fifth time i had heard 'always be my baby' in one day...remembered that i need to find my 'butterfly' album) and that one song from the babysitter's club. remembered that i need to rent the babysitter's club. april and i went to burrito king AGAIN and then passed out around 2:30.

today i'm definitely paying for my choices and i don't have any regrets....well, i DO wish i hadn't cried so much but oh well. in retrospect, that was pretty hilarious-- i hate drunk criers in public and i got to be one! heather, april, annie and nick helped me move all of my shit in 1.5 hours. i really sort of lucked out in the friends department, i'm almost jealous of myself. now i'm going to eat miltons, take a shower, pack up two more boxes and take one of the greatest naps ever. thank you if you were a part of my weekend and if you weren't, why not?/i miss you!

oh! anyone want my peacock feather part of my costume? i can't bear to throw away 10 hours of work.

and that is how you become a packrat.